Monday, August 10, 2009

BYU Football Team has a Mixer With the Rugby Team

It has been a little while since I reported anything new with regards to anything BYU.

It is very difficult for me to see the same old shit every single time I look at that shit show of an institution.

Last week, BYU's football team resumed practice for the beginning of the 2009 season.

In an interesting change of direction, Bronco "Boner Swallower" Mendenhall decided to organize a mixer with the BYU rugby team.

The rugby team organized on the practice field and the shenanigans began.

Because there were no pads, the football team had much easier access to the hind quarters of the rugby team.

The football players never even went after the ball! The only thing they were doing is running around trying to pull the shorts off of the rugby players and each other as you can see in this picture.

One can only guess what they did to that poor guy.

Tore him all up on the first day of practice.

He still hasn't left the hospital..

I can tell you one thing, if BYU doesn't get their shit together soon they will all be stuck sucking each other off in the locker room like they always do.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Cosmo the Cougar's Latent Homosexual Advances Really Creep Me The Fuck Out!

Douchebaggedness and Faggotry are deep seeded traditions at Brigham Young University. It is common for a large majority of the(if not the entire) school population to be either openly gay or halfway in the closet.

The BYU campus is also known to be the site of many impromptu homosexual orgies.

We all know that the entire BYU Football team is gay including the bone smoker of a coach, Bronco Mendenhall, and "Pin Cushion For Dicks" Max Hall.

Also well known gays are the members of the mens basketball team. The biggest homo of which is Jimmer Fredette. He was originally born under the name Jim (James) Fredrick. But as he grew older and his gayness started shining through, he decided to change his name to something gayer. Hence, Jimmer Fredette.

Now, we all know that these teams consist entirely of homos. What I didn't know (but should have assumed) is that Cosmo the Cougar, the BYU mascot, is just as gay as the rest of the teams.

How do I know this? Because he has sex with men. That's how I know it. Here is an example of just one of his thousands of homosexual advances.

Disgusting, I know.

Not only is Cosmo an absolute A Number One Faggot, he is also an outstanding pederast. How do I know this? Just take a look at THIS picture.

Seriously Cosmo, you are fucking gross.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It All Makes Sense Now...

Well, it turns out that BYU actually wanted to go to the Vegas Bowl. And they have for the past 4 years.

Since the frist time BYU went to the Vegas Bowl they have been looking to return.
They have actually been lobbying to the MWC and the bowl committee to just let them play in it every year regardless of record.

It seems as though the BYU squad has developed kind of a tradition. Go down to Vegas where the rest of the Mormons refuse to go and let loose.

It begins with the chartered plane flight down. It was reported that last year, Bronco Mendenhall and Max Hall were making out the whole flight down.

Then they check into their hotel, the Blue Moon Hotel Resort. The only hotel in Vegas that caters exclusively to gay men.

After an afternoon frolic they put on their tights and knee high boots and hit the town.

The first stop is the Excalibur for a show. Thunder From Down Under is always the show that they watch and they ALWAYS have front row. One year, Bronco Mandenhall was ejected from the performance for trying to rape one of the men on stage.

Then they grab some dinner, which usually just consists of dippin' dots and flavored lube.

The team inevitably inds up at one of the male revues around town. The Palomino is always an option but there are women dancers there too and they think that is yucky. Sin City Strippers is also an option. That way they can call the men to them rather than have to go out looking for them.

For sure these trips are not all good. Players see how much they love it there and sometimes end up staying. Marcus Whalen, ended up staying and getting a job performing. I don't know how one would describe his performance but here is a picture to give you an idea.

If BYU ends up going to the Vegas Bowl every year that would be just fine with me. That would give Utah plenty more chance to go to meaningful bowls like the Fiesta Bowl or the Sugar Bowl. I wonder if BYU knows that no one give a shit about their dumb fuck Vegas Bowl.

Fuck you BYU. Fuck you right in your asses with a big rubber dick.

Stupid Cock Suckers.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A New Craze Sweeps Cougar Nation

So it turns out that homosexual behavior can be traced back all the way to Brigham Young. Some of his diary entries even show that dick squeezing was a mandatory exercise among the settlers.

Here is a sketch from Brigham Young's diary.

So if you were wondering where the dick squeezing came from, now you know.

It seems as though a new craze has swept across the campus of BYU and is becoming quite a distraction to most of the students and faculty.

It is called, Honeydipping.

Honeydipping is an activity where a person runs around with an outstretched arm and an extended thumb.

While in this position the person with the thumb bends at the elbow and inserts the thumb into their mouth as quickly as possible.

Then, just as quickly the person shoves the moist finger into an orifice of another person. Then extract the thumb and return it to the mouth as quickly as possible.

The orifice in question is usually the anus or the mouth. Most often the anus.

One can see how Honeydipping could be very distracting. When a BYU professor is chasing around a group of students, thumb outstretched trying to "Honeydip" or "dip" them.

Many concerns have been brought up by concerned outsiders. "That can't be sanitary" says one disgusted onlooker.

"They put it back in their mouth?" said another.

Yes indeed, they do put it back in their mouths.

As the activity has become more and more popular among the student body, leagues and clubs have begun to pop up all over campus. One of these clubs, and the most popular, is the OHL. The Official Honeydippers League.

This league has teams such as The Dippers, The Diptastic Dream Team, and Dip-o-rama.

The official song of the league is "When I Dip You Dip" by the 69 Boyz. It is played at all times.

BYU Football quarterback Max Hall is the captain of Dip-o-rama and is the proud winner of the Honeydipping MVP. The coveted "Golden Thumb."

When asked about the Honeydipping epidemic, University of Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham said, "There isn't a whole to say except that they are fucking gross."

Friday, December 5, 2008

Kinda Gross And Not In The Least Surprising...

So I've been reporting for a while that the people at BYU and especially the football players like to have things rammed up their turd cutters.

We also know that they like to suck tube steak and squeeze wieners.

A gay friend of mine who attends BYU recently took a few pictures on campus and sent them to me so I could know more fully how gay BYU is.

Now before I get to the awesome pictures, I want to comment on how stupid some people at BYU are. I mean like dumber than a sack of soggy wet testicles.

I was at the BYU vs. Utah game this year and loved watching the Utes bend BYU over and ram a cold hard dildo covered in 20 grit sandpaper right up the keister of each and every BYU player.

A few days after the game I went onto a BYU fan message board to rub it in and tell them what shit eaters they are.

I saw a comment that made me want to convince the government to do nuclear testing in Provo, Utah.

This fan said that the Utah fans were drunk and rowdy and yelling too much. Get over yourself you fucking pole smoker, that is football. Just because you dipshits don't know how to tailgate doesn't mean that we shouldn't.

The poster said that the University of Utah should install breathalyzers at the gates to ensure no one in the stadium is drunk.

Are you fucking kidding me? I wish I knew who that person was so I could go shit on his chest. How fucking stupid so you have to be to make a ass licking comment like that?

Enough of that. On to the Pictures!!!

This here is a picture of Max Hall's bicycle that he rides around campus.

This is a BYU issue dormitory chair.

If you are at all surprised by these photos then you clearly don't know anything about BYU.

The biggest group of fuck beans on the planet.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

An Interesting Way to Train

I have always known that BYU has had some very weird training exercises. Especially with the dick squeezing. But apparently I had NO idea the kinds of things they do to prepare for games.

Let me start from the beginning so you can all understand the practices of the BYU butt fuckers.

First of all, at the beginning of the season, each player goes to the art department of the university and into the pottery department.

Then, each player fellates one another until they are all erect. Then each player has a cast made from their boner.

Finally when a mold of their dick is made, the players then choose one and keep it with them for the rest of the season.

Do they keep it in their lockers? You might be asking.

No. They keep the boner molds in their asses. And they must stay in there all the time. One might think that it would be impossible to keep a boner mold in their ass all season but they have found a way.


The dildo is attached to suspenders and worn underneath the clothes so that it stays in place. They are very similar to the orange suspenders that Mila Jovovich wears in the movie "The Fifth Element"

When Austin Collie first got his "installed" he was quoted as saying, "Now THATS how you live right off the field!"

Apparently having these dildo molds are necessary for "keeping the players in an atmosphere that they are most accustomed to." said Bronco Mendenhall.

So now you must be asking, Who has who's boner mold and does Bronco have a boner mold too?

I'll start with the Bronco Mendenhall question. No, he did not make a boner mold and he does not have one of the players boner molds that he keeps in him. He wears something special.

The Barry Bonds Butt Plug!!!

He keeps his in with a similar harness but his is made from leather.

Now to the other question. The answer is, I'm not sure. I know for a fact that Max Hall and Austin Collie traded boner molds. I also know that Fui Vakapuna has Jan Jorgensen's. After that, the rest is just speculation.

One thing that has become a little bit of a problem is that Max Hall has said that he doesn't want Collie's anymore because, "It's just too freaking small! I can walk way too straight with his."

Apparently that is why Max Hall has been begging the university to head up recruiting for next season so he can get more black guys on the team. "That way I won't be able to walk at all!"