Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A New Craze Sweeps Cougar Nation

So it turns out that homosexual behavior can be traced back all the way to Brigham Young. Some of his diary entries even show that dick squeezing was a mandatory exercise among the settlers.

Here is a sketch from Brigham Young's diary.


So if you were wondering where the dick squeezing came from, now you know.

It seems as though a new craze has swept across the campus of BYU and is becoming quite a distraction to most of the students and faculty.

It is called, Honeydipping.

Honeydipping is an activity where a person runs around with an outstretched arm and an extended thumb.

While in this position the person with the thumb bends at the elbow and inserts the thumb into their mouth as quickly as possible.

Then, just as quickly the person shoves the moist finger into an orifice of another person. Then extract the thumb and return it to the mouth as quickly as possible.

The orifice in question is usually the anus or the mouth. Most often the anus.

One can see how Honeydipping could be very distracting. When a BYU professor is chasing around a group of students, thumb outstretched trying to "Honeydip" or "dip" them.

Many concerns have been brought up by concerned outsiders. "That can't be sanitary" says one disgusted onlooker.

"They put it back in their mouth?" said another.

Yes indeed, they do put it back in their mouths.

As the activity has become more and more popular among the student body, leagues and clubs have begun to pop up all over campus. One of these clubs, and the most popular, is the OHL. The Official Honeydippers League.

This league has teams such as The Dippers, The Diptastic Dream Team, and Dip-o-rama.

The official song of the league is "When I Dip You Dip" by the 69 Boyz. It is played at all times.

BYU Football quarterback Max Hall is the captain of Dip-o-rama and is the proud winner of the Honeydipping MVP. The coveted "Golden Thumb."


When asked about the Honeydipping epidemic, University of Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham said, "There isn't a whole to say except that they are fucking gross."

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