It All Makes Sense Now...

Well, it turns out that BYU actually wanted to go to the Vegas Bowl. And they have for the past 4 years.

Since the frist time BYU went to the Vegas Bowl they have been looking to return.
They have actually been lobbying to the MWC and the bowl committee to just let them play in it every year regardless of record.

It seems as though the BYU squad has developed kind of a tradition. Go down to Vegas where the rest of the Mormons refuse to go and let loose.

It begins with the chartered plane flight down. It was reported that last year, Bronco Mendenhall and Max Hall were making out the whole flight down.

Then they check into their hotel, the Blue Moon Hotel Resort. The only hotel in Vegas that caters exclusively to gay men.

After an afternoon frolic they put on their tights and knee high boots and hit the town.

The first stop is the Excalibur for a show. Thunder From Down Under is always the show that they watch and they ALWAYS have front row. One year, Bronco Mandenhall was ejected from the performance for trying to rape one of the men on stage.

Then they grab some dinner, which usually just consists of dippin' dots and flavored lube.

The team inevitably inds up at one of the male revues around town. The Palomino is always an option but there are women dancers there too and they think that is yucky. Sin City Strippers is also an option. That way they can call the men to them rather than have to go out looking for them.

For sure these trips are not all good. Players see how much they love it there and sometimes end up staying. Marcus Whalen, ended up staying and getting a job performing. I don't know how one would describe his performance but here is a picture to give you an idea.


If BYU ends up going to the Vegas Bowl every year that would be just fine with me. That would give Utah plenty more chance to go to meaningful bowls like the Fiesta Bowl or the Sugar Bowl. I wonder if BYU knows that no one give a shit about their dumb fuck Vegas Bowl.

Fuck you BYU. Fuck you right in your asses with a big rubber dick.

Stupid Cock Suckers.

A New Craze Sweeps Cougar Nation

So it turns out that homosexual behavior can be traced back all the way to Brigham Young. Some of his diary entries even show that dick squeezing was a mandatory exercise among the settlers.

Here is a sketch from Brigham Young's diary.


So if you were wondering where the dick squeezing came from, now you know.

It seems as though a new craze has swept across the campus of BYU and is becoming quite a distraction to most of the students and faculty.

It is called, Honeydipping.

Honeydipping is an activity where a person runs around with an outstretched arm and an extended thumb.

While in this position the person with the thumb bends at the elbow and inserts the thumb into their mouth as quickly as possible.

Then, just as quickly the person shoves the moist finger into an orifice of another person. Then extract the thumb and return it to the mouth as quickly as possible.

The orifice in question is usually the anus or the mouth. Most often the anus.

One can see how Honeydipping could be very distracting. When a BYU professor is chasing around a group of students, thumb outstretched trying to "Honeydip" or "dip" them.

Many concerns have been brought up by concerned outsiders. "That can't be sanitary" says one disgusted onlooker.

"They put it back in their mouth?" said another.

Yes indeed, they do put it back in their mouths.

As the activity has become more and more popular among the student body, leagues and clubs have begun to pop up all over campus. One of these clubs, and the most popular, is the OHL. The Official Honeydippers League.

This league has teams such as The Dippers, The Diptastic Dream Team, and Dip-o-rama.

The official song of the league is "When I Dip You Dip" by the 69 Boyz. It is played at all times.

BYU Football quarterback Max Hall is the captain of Dip-o-rama and is the proud winner of the Honeydipping MVP. The coveted "Golden Thumb."


When asked about the Honeydipping epidemic, University of Utah head coach Kyle Whittingham said, "There isn't a whole to say except that they are fucking gross."

Kinda Gross And Not In The Least Surprising...

So I've been reporting for a while that the people at BYU and especially the football players like to have things rammed up their turd cutters.

We also know that they like to suck tube steak and squeeze wieners.

A gay friend of mine who attends BYU recently took a few pictures on campus and sent them to me so I could know more fully how gay BYU is.

Now before I get to the awesome pictures, I want to comment on how stupid some people at BYU are. I mean like dumber than a sack of soggy wet testicles.

I was at the BYU vs. Utah game this year and loved watching the Utes bend BYU over and ram a cold hard dildo covered in 20 grit sandpaper right up the keister of each and every BYU player.

A few days after the game I went onto a BYU fan message board to rub it in and tell them what shit eaters they are.

I saw a comment that made me want to convince the government to do nuclear testing in Provo, Utah.

This fan said that the Utah fans were drunk and rowdy and yelling too much. Get over yourself you fucking pole smoker, that is football. Just because you dipshits don't know how to tailgate doesn't mean that we shouldn't.

The poster said that the University of Utah should install breathalyzers at the gates to ensure no one in the stadium is drunk.

Are you fucking kidding me? I wish I knew who that person was so I could go shit on his chest. How fucking stupid so you have to be to make a ass licking comment like that?

Enough of that. On to the Pictures!!!

This here is a picture of Max Hall's bicycle that he rides around campus.


This is a BYU issue dormitory chair.


If you are at all surprised by these photos then you clearly don't know anything about BYU.

The biggest group of fuck beans on the planet.

An Interesting Way to Train

I have always known that BYU has had some very weird training exercises. Especially with the dick squeezing. But apparently I had NO idea the kinds of things they do to prepare for games.

Let me start from the beginning so you can all understand the practices of the BYU butt fuckers.

First of all, at the beginning of the season, each player goes to the art department of the university and into the pottery department.

Then, each player fellates one another until they are all erect. Then each player has a cast made from their boner.

Finally when a mold of their dick is made, the players then choose one and keep it with them for the rest of the season.

Do they keep it in their lockers? You might be asking.

No. They keep the boner molds in their asses. And they must stay in there all the time. One might think that it would be impossible to keep a boner mold in their ass all season but they have found a way.

DILDO SUSPENDERS!!!

The dildo is attached to suspenders and worn underneath the clothes so that it stays in place. They are very similar to the orange suspenders that Mila Jovovich wears in the movie "The Fifth Element"


When Austin Collie first got his "installed" he was quoted as saying, "Now THATS how you live right off the field!"

Apparently having these dildo molds are necessary for "keeping the players in an atmosphere that they are most accustomed to." said Bronco Mendenhall.

So now you must be asking, Who has who's boner mold and does Bronco have a boner mold too?

I'll start with the Bronco Mendenhall question. No, he did not make a boner mold and he does not have one of the players boner molds that he keeps in him. He wears something special.

The Barry Bonds Butt Plug!!!

He keeps his in with a similar harness but his is made from leather.

Now to the other question. The answer is, I'm not sure. I know for a fact that Max Hall and Austin Collie traded boner molds. I also know that Fui Vakapuna has Jan Jorgensen's. After that, the rest is just speculation.

One thing that has become a little bit of a problem is that Max Hall has said that he doesn't want Collie's anymore because, "It's just too freaking small! I can walk way too straight with his."

Apparently that is why Max Hall has been begging the university to head up recruiting for next season so he can get more black guys on the team. "That way I won't be able to walk at all!"

BYU losing to Utah proves that BYU fans are all Faggots!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

You fucking dipshits thought that BYU was going to beat Utah. I even heard people say that they guarantee BYU would win.

Where the fuck are all your snotty, stupid, idiotic, gay comments now you butt fuckers?

It just goes to show that you make your comments based on what someone else has told you. Similar to how you live your whole lives.

If you fuck face BYU fans were capable of original thought, you probably would have kept your cock suckers shut.

Here is a standard issue Brigham Young University Shirt.


Max Hall really IS a dick sucking faggot. He had 6 turnovers. 6! Is that what a Heisman Trophy candidate is supposed to look like? He makes Renee Pussman look like Joe Montana.

I will tell you all something though. Max Hall purposely gave up all those turnovers. Why you ask? Because he was told that if he loses the game he was going to get a fist shoved up his ass. And we all know how much Max Hall loves having things shoved up his ass. Especially fists.

On a side note, Austin Collie was admitted to a local Provo hospital late Saturday evening with friction burns in his anus. Apparently he was walking around backward with his pants around his ankles singing hymns.

There was some good news for the BYU football team though. As disheartened as they were they needed some cheering up. So the BYU mens basketball team was waiting for them when they arrived back in happy valley.

Each basketball player was naked, holding a 3 foot length of rope, a funnel and a sack of oranges. Now I'm not exactly sure what they did but all the players sure felt better on Sunday.

They were all walking a bit awkward but had great big shit eating grins on their faces. Literally from eating shit. Each others shit.

"I'm just glad that we could all get over that loss," said Bronco Mendenhall. "I mean we totally suck dicks and shouldn't have ever been ranked in the first place but hey, what are you gonna do?"

Bronco was also in attendance for the Locker room meeting with the BYU basketball team. He and BYU mens basketball head coach Dave Rose left their clothes at the door and went into Bronco's office. They weren't seen until early Monday morning.

Well, I knew BYU players were gay but THIS!?

So like I have mentioned many times in the past, ALL BYU players are gay. It doesn't matter where they come from, it doesn't matter if they SAY that they aren't gay, they are.

It is especially easy to see that they are all gay what with the dick squeezing rules and the boner swallowing.

Anyway.

I was sent these pictures from a gay friend who has personally had sex with most of the BYU players.

First, here is a picture of Queer Face Austin Collie rolling over after having sex with another man. They both look quite satisfied don't they?

Here is a picture of Douch Fag Dennis Pitta being kissed by his hairy boyfriend. He is planning on moving to Massachusetts with him after he graduates so they can get married.


Finally, This is a picture of Collie and Pitta both with "Pin Cushion For Dicks" Max Hall. Hall is in his off-the-field attire. He is especially fond of his parasol.
I'm sure you can tell by the pictures but I should point out that they all have tiny penises.

Another interesting fact, the BYU football team is the largest consumer of baby oil and anal lube in the world, barely beating out the adult film industry.

Like I said, this isn't necessarily surprising but I just didn't know the extent of how public these gays were with their lives.

BYU girls are SO FUCKIN STUPID!!!

Q: What do a BYU chicks do at a party when they find out there is alcohol present?

A: Pull up their pants and leave.

Have you ever heard that chicks at BYU won't have sex until they are married? Fortunately for all the guys out there, that is only half true.

One thing that they WILL do is let you put it in their asses. BYU chicks LOVE dick in their asses. The BEST thing? All the guys at BYU are faggots so that leaves plenty of BYU co-ed butt hole to be pounded by others.

I have many friends that have punched in BYU balloon knot. They feel that because they aren't having vaginal intercourse, then they are still virgins and aren't sinning. Hey, that's fine with me.

Another thing that they do at BYU is something they call "floating." Floating is when a man puts his weiner inside of the girls vagina, but doesn't move around. Just sits there inside of here. That is just fucking stupid. You BYU co-eds are fucking idiots.

I suppose it doesn't really matter what you do anyway because all you are going to turn out to be in life is a stay at home mother who battles weight loss and depression from all the pregnancies and binge eating. Not to mention the hormone imbalance from all the prescription drug abuse.

Why don't you idiots just have normal addictions like alcohol and gambling?

Well Known Fact... Everyone At BYU Is A Gay!

Well I'm sure that most of you who read this already know that every single person who attends BYU or has attended BYU in the past is a gay.

I was reading an article the other day that touched a little on this. This is a little piece of an article published in the New England Journal of Fact.

Published: October 2008
Title: Where Do Gays Come From?

"Where do gays come from? This is a question that many people have had on their minds for quite some time. The answer is so simple it may surprise some of you. Gays come from Provo, Utah. They may not have been gay their whole lives but if they attended BYU they are most certainly gay.

It is a proven fact that every woman who attends or attended BYU likes to clean carpet and every man who attends or attended BYU likes to swallow boners."

This did not come as a surprise to me as I have thought this was the case for years.

This is also a great explanation for the BYU Dick Sucking Team and the dick squeezing rules for the BYU football players.

I was very surprised however that because of the fact that everything BYU related is gay, that the Mormon church would pony up so much cash for Proposition 8 in California. Knowing that 100% of the people in Provo, Utah who donated money or were for Prop 8 are in fact, gay.

Even the head coach of the football team was heard in a press conference as adamantly stating that he likes wieners.


I guess I just don't understand those silly faggots from BYU.

The BYU Football Team is a Bunch of Fucking Dick Squeezers!

I just heard today from a very reliable source, that there are 2 prerequisites that must be fulfilled to play on the BYU Football Team.

You must be Mormon and you must live right on and off the field. Now I thought that living right meant treating people right, not drinking and striving to be a better person.

BOY was I wrong!!!

I guess living right for a BYU football player means that they need to squeeze at least 12 dicks every day. There are only 2 caveats.

1. It can't be their own.
2. It has to be a naked dick. No squeezing clothed dicks.

Many players opt to get together in one big group and have 2 to 3 hour long dick squeezing parties. Others will go out to the mall or maybe to the nearest Golds Gym and do their dick squeezing there.

Either way they need to get those squeezes in every day without fail or they will have to face the consequences.

The consequences are that however many dicks they didn't squeeze they have to multiply that number by 10 and squeeze Bronco Mendenhall's dick that many times.

Remember this is coming from a reliable source.

Every now and then they will get together and play dick squeezing games where they will all run around naked and covered in baby oil and try to squeeze each others dicks.

So they all run around with their hands like this and try and get as many as possible.


I wonder if the BYU Dick Sucking Team ever has mixed practices with them?

Meet The BYU Dick Sucking Team!!!

This is the first place that you are going to hear this news. BYU has formally announced it's first official dick sucking team! For years the team has operated in the private confines of the BYU Marriott Center but is now out in the open. This came about after news broke that 100% of the BYU football team was gay and has been sucking dicks for at least the last 70 years.

Now that dick sucking is an official sport of the BYU athletics program, the new coaching staff and school administrators are exited to get recruiting. The team currently consists of about 99% of the male student body which is roughly around 16,000 people. Females are not allowed on the team "because they aren't as good at sucking dick as us guys are." Said long time team member Austin Collie.

Now that this team is out in the open, the teammates are excited to compete.

"We are super duper excited to get out their and suck some dick" said team captain Max Hall. "Thats really all I've ever been good at so now is my chance to really show the world what I've got!"

Not many people are familiar with the DSL (Dick Sucking League) but that is all changing very quickly. There are no real rules and there is no real scoring system which confuses most traditional sports fans.

"Apparently the rules of competing are, you just go out there and suck as many dicks as possible." Said University of Utah coach Kyle Wittingham. "I don't really get it but hey, if they like sucking dicks then I guess this is the best thing for them."

Games are played every Tuesday, Friday and occasionally Saturdays. Because of the enormous size of the BYU team, only a select few will travel and compete. The rest will stay back and just suck each others dicks for practice. Unofficially, BYU has never lost a dick sucking competition.

Look forward to seeing a lot more BYU dick sucking in the near future. I don't think it's going away any time soon

here is a photo of one of the competing Brigham Young University dick sucking teams.

'Hollywood' Max Hall? More like 'Dick Sucking Faggot' Max Hall

Apparently stupid BYU fans are trying to give that shit bird Max Hall the nickname "Hollywood."

Are you fucking kidding me? What is Hollywood about Max Hall? Does he wear flashy clothes and spend tons of money and go out clubbing and have sex with all the hot bitches that are running around on the BYU campus?

NO

He doesn't do ANY of that shit. All "Faggot Max" does is throw a football, and really not all that well I might add. People are talking HEISMAN for "Faggot Max?" Give me a fucking break.

He sucks ass holes like every single day. And that is all on the side of all the dicks that he sucks.

What the fuck are those dumb shit fans thinking trying to call him "Hollywood?" That just goes to show how fucking lame BYU fans are. Those fucking turd eaters wouldn't know Hollywood if it fucked them in the ass.

Here is a little tidbit for the BYU fans out there...

Go fuck yourselves you lame, stupid, faggot-pussies.

Here are a few nicknames for Max Hall that I think would be good for him.

Shit Bird
Fuck Face
Dip Shit
Turd Furguson
Dick Suck MacFucky Face
Maxi Pad
Fat Max
Elder Hall
Max "Pin cushion for dicks" Hall

Those are all I can think of right off the top of my head. I'm sure I'll come up with more later.

BYU Fans Are The Worst People In The World!!!

The University of Utah and BYU have had a long heated rivalry for many years. Ever since 1896 when BYU was called BYA (Brigham Young Academy) the University of Utah and BYU have had a bitter feud.

I've gotta tell you... BYU Sucks. I can always appreciate a good football team. Whether it be based on the talent and execution of the team, or the kind of reputation they have made for themselves.

This is not the case with BYU. Not that I think their players are terrible. In fact, some of their players are actually pretty good. I cannot stand the attitudes that they have. They are all goodie goodie god lovers that honestly believe that God wants them to and helps them win. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

This holier-than-thou attitude makes me sick to my stomach. They think that because they are good church goers and that their school is owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, that they are somehow better than the fans of the University of Utah. They portray Ute fans as godless sinners that don't deserve to win because they aren't self-righteous losers like themselves.

Utah is going to win in 2008. And after that happens, BYU fans can cry like little girls about how Utah cheated or how the officiating was unfair, just like they always do. They can then retreat back to their wards and stake centers to pray for vengance the next time the teams meet. Ask god for help in making their self proclaimed "only true church" a little bit more popular.

You suck BYU fans...

You suck.