An Interesting Way to Train

I have always known that BYU has had some very weird training exercises. Especially with the dick squeezing. But apparently I had NO idea the kinds of things they do to prepare for games.

Let me start from the beginning so you can all understand the practices of the BYU butt fuckers.

First of all, at the beginning of the season, each player goes to the art department of the university and into the pottery department.

Then, each player fellates one another until they are all erect. Then each player has a cast made from their boner.

Finally when a mold of their dick is made, the players then choose one and keep it with them for the rest of the season.

Do they keep it in their lockers? You might be asking.

No. They keep the boner molds in their asses. And they must stay in there all the time. One might think that it would be impossible to keep a boner mold in their ass all season but they have found a way.

DILDO SUSPENDERS!!!

The dildo is attached to suspenders and worn underneath the clothes so that it stays in place. They are very similar to the orange suspenders that Mila Jovovich wears in the movie "The Fifth Element"


When Austin Collie first got his "installed" he was quoted as saying, "Now THATS how you live right off the field!"

Apparently having these dildo molds are necessary for "keeping the players in an atmosphere that they are most accustomed to." said Bronco Mendenhall.

So now you must be asking, Who has who's boner mold and does Bronco have a boner mold too?

I'll start with the Bronco Mendenhall question. No, he did not make a boner mold and he does not have one of the players boner molds that he keeps in him. He wears something special.

The Barry Bonds Butt Plug!!!

He keeps his in with a similar harness but his is made from leather.

Now to the other question. The answer is, I'm not sure. I know for a fact that Max Hall and Austin Collie traded boner molds. I also know that Fui Vakapuna has Jan Jorgensen's. After that, the rest is just speculation.

One thing that has become a little bit of a problem is that Max Hall has said that he doesn't want Collie's anymore because, "It's just too freaking small! I can walk way too straight with his."

Apparently that is why Max Hall has been begging the university to head up recruiting for next season so he can get more black guys on the team. "That way I won't be able to walk at all!"

BYU losing to Utah proves that BYU fans are all Faggots!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

You fucking dipshits thought that BYU was going to beat Utah. I even heard people say that they guarantee BYU would win.

Where the fuck are all your snotty, stupid, idiotic, gay comments now you butt fuckers?

It just goes to show that you make your comments based on what someone else has told you. Similar to how you live your whole lives.

If you fuck face BYU fans were capable of original thought, you probably would have kept your cock suckers shut.

Here is a standard issue Brigham Young University Shirt.


Max Hall really IS a dick sucking faggot. He had 6 turnovers. 6! Is that what a Heisman Trophy candidate is supposed to look like? He makes Renee Pussman look like Joe Montana.

I will tell you all something though. Max Hall purposely gave up all those turnovers. Why you ask? Because he was told that if he loses the game he was going to get a fist shoved up his ass. And we all know how much Max Hall loves having things shoved up his ass. Especially fists.

On a side note, Austin Collie was admitted to a local Provo hospital late Saturday evening with friction burns in his anus. Apparently he was walking around backward with his pants around his ankles singing hymns.

There was some good news for the BYU football team though. As disheartened as they were they needed some cheering up. So the BYU mens basketball team was waiting for them when they arrived back in happy valley.

Each basketball player was naked, holding a 3 foot length of rope, a funnel and a sack of oranges. Now I'm not exactly sure what they did but all the players sure felt better on Sunday.

They were all walking a bit awkward but had great big shit eating grins on their faces. Literally from eating shit. Each others shit.

"I'm just glad that we could all get over that loss," said Bronco Mendenhall. "I mean we totally suck dicks and shouldn't have ever been ranked in the first place but hey, what are you gonna do?"

Bronco was also in attendance for the Locker room meeting with the BYU basketball team. He and BYU mens basketball head coach Dave Rose left their clothes at the door and went into Bronco's office. They weren't seen until early Monday morning.

Well, I knew BYU players were gay but THIS!?

So like I have mentioned many times in the past, ALL BYU players are gay. It doesn't matter where they come from, it doesn't matter if they SAY that they aren't gay, they are.

It is especially easy to see that they are all gay what with the dick squeezing rules and the boner swallowing.

Anyway.

I was sent these pictures from a gay friend who has personally had sex with most of the BYU players.

First, here is a picture of Queer Face Austin Collie rolling over after having sex with another man. They both look quite satisfied don't they?

Here is a picture of Douch Fag Dennis Pitta being kissed by his hairy boyfriend. He is planning on moving to Massachusetts with him after he graduates so they can get married.


Finally, This is a picture of Collie and Pitta both with "Pin Cushion For Dicks" Max Hall. Hall is in his off-the-field attire. He is especially fond of his parasol.
I'm sure you can tell by the pictures but I should point out that they all have tiny penises.

Another interesting fact, the BYU football team is the largest consumer of baby oil and anal lube in the world, barely beating out the adult film industry.

Like I said, this isn't necessarily surprising but I just didn't know the extent of how public these gays were with their lives.

BYU girls are SO FUCKIN STUPID!!!

Q: What do a BYU chicks do at a party when they find out there is alcohol present?

A: Pull up their pants and leave.

Have you ever heard that chicks at BYU won't have sex until they are married? Fortunately for all the guys out there, that is only half true.

One thing that they WILL do is let you put it in their asses. BYU chicks LOVE dick in their asses. The BEST thing? All the guys at BYU are faggots so that leaves plenty of BYU co-ed butt hole to be pounded by others.

I have many friends that have punched in BYU balloon knot. They feel that because they aren't having vaginal intercourse, then they are still virgins and aren't sinning. Hey, that's fine with me.

Another thing that they do at BYU is something they call "floating." Floating is when a man puts his weiner inside of the girls vagina, but doesn't move around. Just sits there inside of here. That is just fucking stupid. You BYU co-eds are fucking idiots.

I suppose it doesn't really matter what you do anyway because all you are going to turn out to be in life is a stay at home mother who battles weight loss and depression from all the pregnancies and binge eating. Not to mention the hormone imbalance from all the prescription drug abuse.

Why don't you idiots just have normal addictions like alcohol and gambling?

Well Known Fact... Everyone At BYU Is A Gay!

Well I'm sure that most of you who read this already know that every single person who attends BYU or has attended BYU in the past is a gay.

I was reading an article the other day that touched a little on this. This is a little piece of an article published in the New England Journal of Fact.

Published: October 2008
Title: Where Do Gays Come From?

"Where do gays come from? This is a question that many people have had on their minds for quite some time. The answer is so simple it may surprise some of you. Gays come from Provo, Utah. They may not have been gay their whole lives but if they attended BYU they are most certainly gay.

It is a proven fact that every woman who attends or attended BYU likes to clean carpet and every man who attends or attended BYU likes to swallow boners."

This did not come as a surprise to me as I have thought this was the case for years.

This is also a great explanation for the BYU Dick Sucking Team and the dick squeezing rules for the BYU football players.

I was very surprised however that because of the fact that everything BYU related is gay, that the Mormon church would pony up so much cash for Proposition 8 in California. Knowing that 100% of the people in Provo, Utah who donated money or were for Prop 8 are in fact, gay.

Even the head coach of the football team was heard in a press conference as adamantly stating that he likes wieners.


I guess I just don't understand those silly faggots from BYU.

The BYU Football Team is a Bunch of Fucking Dick Squeezers!

I just heard today from a very reliable source, that there are 2 prerequisites that must be fulfilled to play on the BYU Football Team.

You must be Mormon and you must live right on and off the field. Now I thought that living right meant treating people right, not drinking and striving to be a better person.

BOY was I wrong!!!

I guess living right for a BYU football player means that they need to squeeze at least 12 dicks every day. There are only 2 caveats.

1. It can't be their own.
2. It has to be a naked dick. No squeezing clothed dicks.

Many players opt to get together in one big group and have 2 to 3 hour long dick squeezing parties. Others will go out to the mall or maybe to the nearest Golds Gym and do their dick squeezing there.

Either way they need to get those squeezes in every day without fail or they will have to face the consequences.

The consequences are that however many dicks they didn't squeeze they have to multiply that number by 10 and squeeze Bronco Mendenhall's dick that many times.

Remember this is coming from a reliable source.

Every now and then they will get together and play dick squeezing games where they will all run around naked and covered in baby oil and try to squeeze each others dicks.

So they all run around with their hands like this and try and get as many as possible.


I wonder if the BYU Dick Sucking Team ever has mixed practices with them?